Moving On

The all-known, beloved song Let It Go comes to mind as I write this. In fact, I'm not quite sure what I am writing exactly. It's just one of those times I felt I should blog about a certain subject, and so, bare with me as I do so. This whole post may just end up being a long ramble of confusion. I will do my best to clear my head and type it out accurately.

Lately, and when I say lately, I mean like a while. About a few months ago really. I knew I had to move on. There was this thing in my life, an overall good thing, but it began to hold me back in ways. Important ways. I noticed I was drifting from my relationship with Christ, lacking in household chores, school even. I wasn't achieving the things I knew I was capable of. I knew that God was sending me signs to leave this "thing" and move forward. To close this chapter of my book but you see, that was just so hard to do. To walk away from what you may think is the best chapter of the book you're reading, well, that would just be excruciating, right?? I couldn't do it. I kept ignoring the signs and continued through the motions. I stayed in my comfy, mediocre little life. Did the same things, day in, day out. Until finally, I simply couldn't take it anymore. I took the bold approach, and said farewell to this so called "thing". No more. Adios. I have bigger and better things awaiting me. And I cannot wait to see what God holds for my future! I know it is still a process, and it won't be an easy one, but I'm willing. And if you're willing, my friend, God can do some amazing things with you. You just have to realize sometimes, that there is a time for everything. That chapters do indeed end, but the book still goes on. Let Jesus write yours! I can't wait to read your extraordinary story. We all have one. But you wouldn't want yours to be stuck on the same old chapter. People come in and out of our lives. For a reason, surely. All good things come to an end. Just in time for the new good thing to begin! So try not to get stuck in a chapter. Keep moving forward, my dear. And never look back.

{I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus} ~ Philippians 3:14

This Is My Life.

I am fourteen years old. I don't go to parties, I don't spend every day hanging out with my friends, I don't gossip or fan-girl over boy bands, I don't even go to school. No, instead, my day consists of changing diapers, bathing, feeding, wiping pb&j covered mouths, washing dishes, folding laundry, taking off leg braces and shoes, filling sippy cups, loading diaper bags, buckling carseats, and tucking kids in bed. And I'm okay with that. Really.

....okay maybe not. At least not allll the time. There are some moments when I start to listen to my flesh, whispering things like "this isn't fair", "nobody else my age is doing this right now", "I didn't ask for this", "why me??" To which I have to ignore and tell myself, "This is where God has you right now. This is you taking up your cross, Genesis. This is more."

But that's not always easy. Sometimes I want to throw a temper tantrum like a three year old. Sometimes I want to go sit on my best friends' bed and talk all night like a "normal" teenager, instead of wiping butts on the toilet after dinner. Sometimes I just want to lock myself in a closet quite honestly. And that's just my selfish, sinful being. Because after all, who even created the typical teen status? The world. I can tell you, in Bible times, they worked all day long for their families, and might have already been married by my age! These are the things I have to remember. Because, I am certainly nowhere near perfect. I'd like to imagine myself as this modern day Snow White, where I absolutely love my life and everything in it (and I do, don't get me wrong) and I better the world and every living thing loves me. Buuuuut no. I'm just me. The fourteen year old girl, living in a house full of seven little boys, who discuss poop and boogers at the dinner table (actually no, all day), some whom hit their heads and yell, keep their hands in their mouths 24/7, and are super duper stubborn.

This is my life. Whether I choose to hate it, or embrace it, is up to me. I am currently on the road to embrace. Even if that means trashing my "sunshine and rainbows" facebook reputation. Dang it...

We Are Worthless

I am pretty certain every human being has some sort of insecurity, about something in some area of themselves. Whether that be their outward appearance, their abilities, their family, the amount of friends they have, the way they talk even. Even the most confident person is bound to be just a little self-conscious about something. This is a big issue today. Especially among young people. Even if you've never been bullied before, or put down for any particular reason. A lot of times we just look at others, and if we don't have exactly what they have, act like they act, look like they do, we can so quickly put ourselves down and assume there's something wrong with us because we're simply different.

"Comparison is the thief of joy." - Theodore Roosevelt 

This is right on. And as humans, it's natural to compare ourselves to others. It's another part of our sinful nature. Sometimes, we don't even realize when we are actually comparing ourselves. It can become a nasty habit. Like biting your nails. (guilty) 

I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I am one of the most guilty of it all. Comparison, insecurities, the absence of self-worth. I am probably one of the most insecure people you will meet. Though I might be good at hiding it, underneath I have all the lies running continuously through my head. I don't think it really hit me until I was around 12 or 13. When I began to realize how I don't have nice smooth and tan skin, or the "perfect" weight of what seemed to be every other girl around me. It wasn't even magazines or commercials that I was comparing myself to! It was every day average, real people. Soon, I started looking at everyone else' talents and abilities, and yep, you guessed it. Comparing. I saw other girls that could write songs and poetry, and sing incredibly, or had crazy good baking skills, or were super artistic. All great qualities that I only dream of acquiring. Sounds rather selfish doesn't it? I of course began putting myself down, giving into the enemy's lies. Believing that I was indeed worthless, useless, invaluable, unimportant, and at times, invisible. I could read whatever Bible verses I wanted, listen to whatever songs on the Joy FM, accept whatever compliments and advice from friends and yet NOTHING could change the way I felt about myself. And that's just it. It's a battle against ourselves. WE are the ones hindering the happiness and peace we could and should be feeling towards ourselves. Not because of what we achieve, but what Christ has achieved. What HE did for us. Because truly, without Him we are nothing. We have nothing. God is the one who created us, molded us into our very being. And surely, the creator of the universe makes no mistakes. Therefore, when we put ourselves down, we're really insulting God's work. He gave us the gifts and abilities that He so desired, and knew we would need. He gave us the color hair we have, the skin tone, the bone structure we have. Everything. We are fearfully, and wonderfully made. 

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 45:11 ~ "Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." 


The king is enthralled by our beauty! God, nothing but perfect, is captivated by OUR beauty. Just let that sink in for a minute. 


And yet, who are we to call ourselves beautiful? We played no part in our creation. Therefore, we owe it all to Him. Yes, we are ARE worthless, useless, and unimportant on our own. But with Christ, we find our purpose, and our value. Or more so, His value. We are only here to shine His light and let others see HIM. It's not about us. Though I may never be comfortable in my own skin, I remember by whom I was made, and by whom I am loved. And the ultimate reason for my life. Not to look around at everyone else' arms, to than look down at mine with disgust, because they're not as tiny. Or to see myself in the mirror and become angry. Or to wish I could play the piano as well as that one friend. No. Society tells us to do so, and to feel that way. As does Satin. Every day is a constant battle. But we must decrease, so that Christ can increase. And it is in that very doing, that we find our true beauty. 

Beauty & The Broken

\ \ D E P R E S S I O N / /

A very raw, touchy subject. It's probably not what most people would choose to write about. Or at least publicly blog about anyway. But here I am. So if you'll bare with me, I'd like to share with you some things that have been weighing heavily on me lately, and maybe by doing so, I can possibly help somebody. 

When you hear the word "depression" you might think of those commercials advertising for meds, with people in their late 40's, looking down and well..depressed. Or maybe you think of an "emo" teenage boy with hair covering his eyes, dressed in all black with scars on his wrist. Or maybe, you think of a mother of three, lying in her bed alone, without having eaten or nearly moved in days. Whatever it is that may define depression for you, I have a couple different opinions of my own. I believe some people may be clinically diagnosed, therefore medication may be necessary. I also believe, the word itself can be used as an adjective so to speak. Where as some people might just have a tendency to fall into it every now and then. But I'm not just talking about having a few bad days here and there. I mean quite often, and for sometimes, no reason at all. This seems to be very common among teens and young people today. Some worse than others. So, when I use the word "depressed" in any form, I'm not just referring to medically. Although I understand the severe significance of this, I might also be considering the overall meaning. 

 - Depression:

severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. - 


Ultimately, WE control our happiness. We wake up in the morning and decided whether or not we're going to have a good day. We choose to smile, or not to smile. But when it comes to depression, that choice slowly fades. It's as if there is no other option. You just feel this way, and that is all. Like the poem from above stated, you try and try to be happy, but you simply cannot. You try to hang out with friends and family, go out and make plans to occupy yourself, and you might put on a front but inside, truthfully, you're broken. You can't feel it. For almost everyone there's a root to it all somewhere. Bullies, insecurities, health issues, relationships, divorced parents, self image, etc. For some people, their day to day life is filled with nothing but pain. From the outside, we might look at them and see what seems to be a great life. But on the inside, all they can see is pure pain. All they can feel is hurt. They've lost all sense of self worth, purpose, importance, love. They live without the light on. 

Well these people? These precious people need you and me to come into their lives and flip the light switch for them. As difficult as it may be to get through to them, or even make a difference for them, we have to try. All around, on this messed up, sinful earth, there are beings fighting their own daily battles. Whatever those may be. Big or small. God places people in your life for a reason. And get this, we're just as messed up and broken as those we're trying to help! So how does that work, you may ask? Well because Christ forgives us and He uses us to do amazing things, if we let Him. In fact, He likes to use the most broken and unlikely people to do the most extraordinary stuff. He's displayed this clearly in several acts found in the Bible today. 


"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

He is also here in our darkest times of need. He will never let us down, nor leave us no forsake us. When all else fails, when it seems everyone around you has left or dissapointed you, He is still there. He actually wants us to come to Him with our troubles and comfort us through our sorrows. Gosh, He's the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for!

"Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - 1st Peter 5:7

" Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12


And when it seems you have nothing left in you, when you're completely burnt out, tired of feeling, tired of living, remember to whom you belong. We were created for a reason. We each have a purpose. I'm sure you've heard of Jeremiah 29:11 before, "'For I know the plans I have you, ' says the Lord. 'Plans to give you a hope and a future.'" We have to be greater than our struggles.

So help a friend out. Or a total stranger. Just be Jesus, for most people don't get to experience Him. Spread the light. Even if yours is withering in the wind, sharing it with others' makes it that much stronger.

In The Raw

I'm not a person that's naturally quick to anger. I typically try to see the good in everyone, and positive side of every situation (most of the time anyways...). I don't like to blame, or call someone out. Even if they are at fault. But lately, I've noticed something. Something bitter. Something that more than "bugs" me.

This is my brother, Gabe. He is nine years old.

When we first met him three years ago, in Ukraine, he was six years of age and weighed just 21lbs.
He spent those six years lying in a crib. all. day. long.

He was terrified. For many of our 2 hour visits he cried and trembled in fear (and probably pain) non-stop. Since he's been home, his fear of new surroundings have shaved down to a minimum. He went from hardly being able to sit up on his own, to walking with assistance. From drinking only liquids/pureed foods from a bottle, to beginning to chew solids and feed himself with utensils. 

Before and after: 1 month home

I am beyond amazed at the miraculous things God has done with him in these past three years. When we met him, we weren't even sure if walking would be in his future. We've gone through it all as if he was a six month old. The day he began crawling was pure awesomeness. I will certainly never forget the night he reached for me. Reached for me! He went from pushing our hands away, never wanting to be held, to 'asking' to be picked up. Now, he's the most affectionate, cuddly kid. He loves people. Even if he can just sit next to you, he's happy.

With all that being said, there are still little things. Little things that do not resemble the "sunshine and rainbows" like some people may expect to hear from an adoption story. No, ours is very real. Gabe has definitely lived a life of redemption thus far, but there are still things that some days drive us crazy. If you hadn't noticed, he typically has his hands in his face. This is his major stem that we believe he acquired as a way to occupy or sooth himself when nobody else would. They have decreased slightly, but not much.

When he gets over-stimulated, usually in the evening when he's tired, he'll start cracking up laughing. For no reason. I mean there is obviously a reason, but it's not just because he saw something funny on tv or he's being tickled. Nothing like that. Sometimes he'll do this thing where he squishes his mouth into his hands really hard, and scrunches up his face while making a "ughhh" sound. It's quite difficult to explain. But it's sometimes so intense and stiff, you can't even pull his hands down from his face. There's no point in even attempting to stop it. Thankfully, it only lasts a second or so. And around here, of course it's normal. I'm sure if a stranger caught him doing it they'd freak out.

It's those things. Those little things that strike this bitterness in me. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to take my anger out on Gabe, for its simply not his fault. But that's just it. Who's fault is it? I want to be mad at his former orphanage and nannies. Because maybe, just maybe if they would have picked him up and cradled his little body for fifteen short minutes a day, he wouldn't deal with these "ticks" and "stems". Or would he? Maybe he was just born this way. Maybe there is something else going on his brain that we know nothing about.

I've learned to be okay without the answers. After all, the past is the past. There's nothing we can do to change that. I just wish we could take all of it away from him. All the annoying ticks and non-stop stemming. Teach him when and why to giggle. Show him there's no reason to be afraid when we walk into a new building.

In the midst of letting go of the lingering frustration, I have this smile to look forward to everyday. And that's pretty great.  

Ohana

Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind.

Lilo and Stitch said it well.

But the truth is, somebody did get left behind. A few actually.

 Young, innocent, pure, smiley children. These are the ones that got left behind.

The ones who are lucky enough to get to play with a toy, but who would willingly share it with a stranger in a heartbeat. 

The ones who grip your hand in hopes that you'd be their escape.


Oh how I wish I could have been their escape that day. Although the few minutes I spent with them were short, it will last a lifetime in my head as a memory I will never forget. And I can imagine that they cherished it too.

There's a lot more out there. Millions of precious faces with bright smiles and hopeful hands. The ones who encounter a "mama and papa" coming to rescue their little one(s). I can only try to imagine what's going through their heads. Something like "why not me?" "am I not enough?" "when will it be my turn?" Thoughts that make my stomach turn.


Nearly two years ago, we came back for one of the many left behind.

Kolya stole our hearts back in the summer of 2011, while adopting Levi and Gabe. I was only eleven years old at the time, but I remember being heartbroken to have to leave him. Along with all the other beauties I had met at the orphanage. Little did I know, that a year later he would be my little brother.

Only God could pull something off like that. Absolutely amazing. I can't even picture our lives without him. He's our little sunshine. He can seriously light up a room when he enters it, never fails to cheers me up, and keeps us all laughing. I pity those who don't get to experience the blessing of a former-forgotten child. An orphan no more. One whom was left behind.

We came back for him. We showed him (and continue to) what family is, and how being loved feels. But what about the other 147 million that didn't? All of God's beautifully created children. And He's waiting for us to do something. They are waiting for us to do something.

To rescue them.

Caring for orphans is not a "call" God gives special, extra patient people in the world. It is a command. We, as Christians, are commanded to care for the orphans and widows. He's waiting on us to obey Him. Along with the left-behind-children. They need you.

Two Weeks Too Fast

Tomorrow at 3am, we will head to the airport to make our trek home. It will have been exactly two weeks since we left FL, to travel to Ukraine. In some ways, these days have gone by slowly and it felt like 3 in the afternoon, by 10am. But in other ways, it feels like I just got here! I begin to miss my home and my family, but in the same minute I think about what it would be like to live here. I know as soon as I get home, I'm going to want to turn right around and come back to this beautiful place. I've experienced a lot in these past two weeks, and I couldn't be happier with the adventurous memories I've made. 

Here is a list of a few things I've learned during this trip- 

1. People do as they please. You can walk into a notary office and expect to see that the noter just didn't come in that day. 

2. We are impatient and spoiled Americans. If you need to practice patience, just spend a few days in Ukraine. 

3. A lot of things don't make sense. At least not to us. For example: In order to cross the street, you must go down three flights of stairs, walk through an under ground mall, and walk back up three more flights of stairs. 

4. You're lucky to find a/c in a building. And if it's below 70 degrees, you're children better be bundled in a couple sweaters and a hat. Always a hat. 

5. They actually have correct portion sizes. And no preservatives or added junk in their food. 

6. You can buy a week's worth of groceries for less than $70

7. Sour cream, sour cream, sour cream. It goes on anything and everything. It's like their ketchup. 

8. The sun comes up before 5am and doesn't go down until after 9pm.

9. Car seats and seat belts are overrated. 

10. Kids younger than me will walk the streets and take busses by themselves. 

11. You can ask for a bathroom by saying either "water closet" or "toilet". 

12. 95% of men wear fitted clothing. Including shorts, that are just a little too short. 

13. Most of the people here are very kind. They offer big smiles and help if we need it. Even if we can't understand each other. 

14. Nobody uses driers. Even if they're wealthy enough to afford one, they choose not to because they believe it damages clothes. Which really, in fact is true. I think we should put this one into practice. 

15. Everything opens at 10am. Well, at least restaurants and stores. I don't know why, but everywhere you go, ten o'clock. 

16. Pretty much everyone acts like they know each other. A total stranger will walk up to someone and ask them something (of which I have no clue, because it's all in Russian) and they'll politely answer and exchange smiles and "spaseeba"s. 

Sixteen is an odd number to leave off on, but that's just all I came up with at the moment. There is so much more that I learned and experienced in this beautiful country. I took an eight hour train, (nice compared to the twelve hour ones we had to take last time) rode in two different "taxis", played with a group of kiddos at an orphanage, walked the streets of both Odessa and Kiev, tried sushi and borsch for the first time (not together), got a temporary tattoo, took loads of pictures in Maiden (where the protests took place), had my hair braided, and even met a fellow adopting family! Whew! I am so beyond blessed and thankful to God for providing this amazing trip. It seriously was a dream come true. I know, that God willing, I will be back here again one day. Only He knows what for. But this is not goodbye! 

Is this Really Happening?

 We left for the Tampa airport at 8:30am. My mom drove Jennifer and I, helped get us all checked in and hung out with us until we had to go through the gate before boarding our plane to Newark, NJ. That flight was a breeze! We were blessed with economy plus, which meant more leg room and a little nicer seats. The flight was less than three hours, and went by quickly. We landed after 2pm, so we ventured off to find some lunch. A little Mexican restaurant drew us in. Their water tasted like dirt though...not quite sure what that was about. But, they had free wifi, and we had a three hour layover to kill. Finally, we boarded our eight hour flight to Munich, Germany. 

There's always that one child (if not more) that's screaming during at least half the flight. Well, Jennifer stopped this sweet lady and her crying grandson that looked to be no older than two years. He had bright red hair, and big round blue eyes. His poor grandmother just had this face of exhaust. She had attempted to walk him through the aisles because the people behind them told her to cover the little boy's mouth to shut him up. Some people are just ignorant and cruel. But of course Jennifer being a mother herself, and I being the oldest to five brothers, understood and only offered compassion for them. The poor kid was probably just scared! They don't understand everything that's going on at that age. So Jennifer began talking with her, and got the attention of the sweet red head. He reached for her, so she asked if she could hold him, and his grandmother gladly handed him over. He quickly reached back over for his grandma though. 

Just as we were getting ready to take off, the plane breaks. It did this several times, and the pilot made us aware that there were mechanical issues but he gave us his word that this time, we would actually take off. Two hours later, they make an announcement to proceed to the gate, and that they were sending in a new plane in better condition. By this time, we knew we already missed our flight to Odessa, Ukraine because there's only one plane that goes through Odessa's airport a day, and we we're suppose to only have an hour layover in Munich before taking off to Odessa. So now what do we do? We're basically stranded in New Jersey, with no phones or internet. We've now wasted over four hours, and the plane that isn't even there yet, isn't scheduled to take off until 9:30pm. After speaking to different guest services, we assumed the only choice we'd really have would be to fly to Munich, and spend the night either in the airport or a hotel, then catch a flight to Odessa the next day. But we had no way of communicating this new plan to anyone back home, or to our facilitator Halyna, whom was waiting for us in Ukraine. There were pay phones, but it was a ridiculous $7 per minute or something. We eventually got to the point where we decided it was necessary. But we had no single dollar bills or change, so we went to one of the gift shops asking to break a twenty or whatever size bill we had, so that we could use it for the pay phone.  The cashier was kind enough to just offer her phone to us. We dialed my mom's number, and quickly piled on all the news, because we thought we heard them announce that our plane was boarding. Jennifer said "okay we gotta go! Oh! Call Marty!" as she handed the sweet lady her cell phone back. We heard my mom yell "okay!?" We ran back to our gate, only to find out we weren't boarding yet. We waited just a few more minutes, then finally were able to get on the plane. We watched movies all night and were able to catch some slept eventually. We landed in Munich Sunday morning, Germany time. Now we had to figure out our next move. The people at guest services found a connecting flight to Odessa, from Istanbul, Turkey that day. Jennifer was at the desk talking to them, when she said "Genesis! We're going to Turkey!" I gave a look of confusion I suppose. She gave it back to me. It didn't make much sense, considering Turkey is further than Ukraine on the map. So we actually pass Ukraine to go to Turkey, to fly back to Odessa. Like what?? But whatever. We were just determined to get there. And hey, I can now say I've been to three other countries! 

At this point, nothing really was going our way. At all. We were obviously not jumping up and down about adding an extra flight, and I was really annoyed by my ears constantly popping and aching. I could hardly hear out of one of them. While I was in the bathroom stall, I guess I didn't lock the door correctly because someone walked in on me. But by then, I didn't even care. I had one of those "what else could go wrong" moments. We hadn't eaten lunch yet, but Germany is crazy expensive. Maybe it's just their airport? So we split a sandwich, and sat down to eat near our gate. When all the sudden they announce our flight is boarding. So we finished up and got in line. We were some of the last people left to get on, when we were slightly held up by the little catastrophe in front of us. This woman was going at the gate attendants because she apparently did not have a ticket on this plane. We originally met Tracy, while at guest services in NJ. They recommended we book flights once in Germany, because we would be closer to our connecting flight at that point so we'd maybe have more options and better communication. Tracy told us her destination was Turkey. I guess she wound up arranging her flight in Newark though, instead of Munich. This seemed to have caused a big commotion for her and her family, as they were now not able to board the plane. And when I say "going at" I mean full on panic mode. I suppose I would be panicking too. But not quite as loudly. Ever sense then, we've come up with the friendly term, "crazy Tracy". 

Once we boarded, we were told our seats were not together, and we didn't bother trying to arrange that sense the plane was packed full and we were the last to get on. I ended up in the very back of the plane, in between two women. I'm pretty sure one was German and the other was Turkish. They were both really nice. Our flight to Istanbul was fast. So was the layover. We literally ran from gate to gate, and just made it onto our last plane! Thankfully, this was went quickly as well. I spent most of the flight just looking out the window, because the view was amazing. Especially once we flew over the Black Sea. We landed in Odessa at 9pm, now Ukraine time. We waited in a crowded line to show or passports, before proceeding to baggage claim. There was a guard that was followed by a small dog. And then, as the luggage is coming out, another dog comes out on the conveyer belt! Quite bazar, but I'm assuming they were both trained to sniff out drugs. After everyone else had left with their bags, and they shut down the converter belt, guess who was still standing there, empty handed? Yep, us. Of course. Another one of those "what else could go wrong?" moments. So now we're left to fill out tons of forms, by hand, because that's the way they do it here. The people working with us can hardly understand or speak English either. After over an hour of figuring out all this mumbo jumbo, we finally met our driver and headed to our apartment. We were exhausted and now without any clothes. 

Monday morning, we got up around 8:30 and went down to this cute little cafe connected to our apartment, where  we ate complimentary breakfast every morning. The waitresses there were always super nice. And they spoke English! There was also a cat that came in every time we were there, and actually sat next to Jennifer in the booth a couple times. We met Halyna there, and after eating breakfast, headed straight out to do all the running around needed. We went to visit Edgar and Dunham that afternoon at the orphanage. Their orphanage is one of the "nicer" ones and has a guard right on the inside of the gate. He almost didn't let me in, probably because for the past two months it's always Jennifer and Martin coming in. Halyna had a conversation with him, but he wasn't budging. So she went inside and spoke to some else, and came out to say "I gave you a title. You're her niece." Jennifer and I both laughed because during the whole travel craziness, whenever anyone t would ask if I was her daughter (which was quite often) she would just tell them that I was her niece. Rather than explaining the whole situation. Or saying "No, she's my friend's daughter." Because that's just weird. 

Memories are now rushing through my head. Looking over my shoulder to see groupas outside playing, and nannies sitting on painted benches. All the colorful, metal playgrounds that are empty. Vova's (Edgar) group was outside, so we walked over to them. Jennifer scooped him up out of the swing he was sitting in and wrapped him a big bear hug. Edgar returned the hug and held it for a while. Halyna and Jennifer were asking his nannies several questions about his schedule, diet, etc. While the rest of the kids swarmed me like flies. They each had huge smiles on their faces and offered me toys. It always amazes me how the least of these, the orphans that have absolutely nothing, are the most happy and eager to share. One little boy in particular tugged at my heart, as he gently grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. I could have stayed there in the scorching heat all day, just to be with them. We walked away shortly, to go get Dunham inside. The five of us spent an hour outside together, taking pictures, laughing, and swinging. That was probably the highlight of my day. We called the airport and were told our luggage was found in Turkey, and that it would be in that night. Praise the Lord! We can now take showers! 

Due to a mistake in the court decree, we weren't able to get the boys out of the orphanage until Thursday. Which could have been Friday, if Jennifer hadn't pulled a "tracy" to make sure she had them out that night. It was after 6pm when we went to the orphanage and broke those boys out. Dunham's nannies really care for him, and you can clearly see that they love him. They were very happy, yet I'm sure torn at the same time to be saying goodbye to him. Edgar's nannies were nice, but we knew they didn't have any favor towards him whatsoever. Both the boys did great. They loved the car ride to the apartment, and seriously acted like had lived with us since birth. They've carried this out through the entire trip so far. They'd both pretty chill and and go with the flow. Which hasn't been much of a flow, considering all the running around, paper chasing they've had to endure already. Dunham and I are already best friends. I assume he's just taken to me because Jennifer has been on top of Edgar 24/7. He's your typical three year old- into EVERYTHING.

Everyone in Odessa is also very chill and relaxed, and kind. Odessa is a very touristy region, especially downtown, where we were staying. Most people are on vacation from different regions or countries. There were a few nights when I would walk around looking for a place to grab dinner from to bring back to the hotel. I felt fairly comfortable doing so, mainly because I had seen several kids, even younger than me walking all over Odessa by theirselves, taking busses and everything. The language barrier was interesting though. I would go from one bender to another asking, "English?" hoping to get a response of "yes" or "eh, leettle". This is also where pictures come in handy. Saturday night, we went to the trai station to travel eight hours to Kiev. We said goodbye to our awesome driver, who helped us big time while in Odessa. The train ride went very smoothly actually. The kids did great, and we were able to sleep somewhat. As soon as we drove into the city, I immediately felt 'at home' so to speak. Sure, Odessa was really cool and I thoroughly enjoyed being there, but Kiev is where I hold most of my favorite memories. I constantly point out to Jennifer, "Ohhh, that's where we walked! Over here was our favorite restaurant! I took pictures of that building!" Which I'm sure she's over hearing by now. But it just feels so good being BACK. It's still a little surreal. It might take a day to two to really sink in that I'm here right now. 

A Big Deal

Most of you should know, almost exactly three years from now, I had the privilege of traveling to Ukraine with my parents to bring my little brothers home. Even though I was only eleven, I was impacted by the three weeks I spent in that beautifully diverse country, and all of it's people- well, God's people that is.  Even though I did enjoy it there, I was ready to come home after just a few days. I suppose I was just focused on getting home with Gabe and Levi and 'finishing' the adoption process. But the funny thing is, as soon as we got home, I wanted to go back! I continually prayed God would bring along an opportunity for me to do so. I had dreams, of becoming a missionary and working within the orphanages there one day. Of course I had made the realistic assumption that it would be years down the road though.


When the opportunity came up for me to travel with Jennifer Quinn on her "gotcha trip", I was ecstatic, to say the least. Once things in Ukraine began to heat up, my parents were unsure about letting me go. As any parent would have the right to be. A couple months went by, and things started to calm down, according to the news anyway. Even though Jennifer and Marty were there on their first trip already, and reported that things were peaceful, there were still tragic stories popping up here and there that didn't help my mom and dad's insecurities. When I mentioned the thought of me going to Ukraine to my friends, they were slightly caught off guard so to speak. They would remind me of what was going on at the moment, and were obviously somewhat concerned. My family did the same. They expressed how worried they were for my safety. Which again, I can't blame them for. But you know what's weird? I wasn't afraid. Not one bit. I just had this overwhelming peace about the whole thing. Even after friends and family would read me articles about the current events taking place in UA, fear still failed to strike me. I knew God had placed this peace in me, and I knew it was for a reason. I mean, here I am, fourteen years old, about to fly 5,795 miles away from my home and family, to spend 2+ weeks in a foreign country with a woman (whom is awesome, I may add!) I had only known for about a year. And those that truly know me, know that I am a naturally shy and timid person. Anxiety is a familiar word to me, I guess you could say. So this was a big deal for me. I don't even like to order by myself at restaurants. So yes, a very big deal indeed. Not to mention, I reeeally don't like flying. My ears always pop and ache from the pressure. But again, this didn't seem to hesitate my decision one bit.

After lots of praying and talking, my parents made the brave decision to let me go. The next few days to follow, were some of the happiest days I have had. That all came to a quick end when I woke up one Friday morning to some not so happy news. My mom had just gotten off the phone with Jennifer, to explain to me the "new plan". She told me that the Quinn's just got news they would need to leave the next day, for court. At least, that's pretty much all I got out of it. That, and the fact that I wasn't going with them. The whole thing was just really confusing to be honest. Plus, I did just wake up...

Besides the fact that it was obviously extremely last minute, I stayed home for safety. My mom had asked several friends, some of which are living in UA at the moment, for advice before they had made the final decision to let me go. She wanted to get opinions from reliable, and experienced people. After speaking with our facilitator, who also happens to be the Quinn's facilitator, my parents agreed it was best for me not to travel at the time. I was pretty bummed. Well, really bummed actually. Of course it was disappointing, because I had my heart set on going and was beyond excited about it. But I made the choice to trust the Lord for the way things had turned out, and continue to praise Him even though I felt like throwing a 2 year old temper tantrum. A couple of weeks had passed, and things slowly began to look like I might actually have a chance at going after all! I still refused to get my hopes up, until everything was for sure this time.

Jennifer called my mom to tell her she needed to book the flights for what would be her third trip, to finally rescue those sweet boys of hers. I knew my mom and dad had not made any official decision at this point, and now she was asking for my passport number to buy my plane ticket. My dad was at work that morning, so my mom called him after talking to Jennifer, to discuss the situation. I have no idea what was said, but it was obviously good on my part, because it concluded to me receiving info about the flights! According to Halyna, (our amazing facilitator) and the Quinn's, everything is cool and calm right now. And you KNOW you can trust their word if anyone, being that they are living in it. I trust God will protect us, as do my parents. I also know that this must be part of His plan, simply because of the miraculous way things have worked together for good! For example, the timing, even though a few weeks ago I didn't want to believe it, is perfect. Because if I was to have gone with Jennifer and Marty when they did, I would have missed my uncle's wedding taking place this weekend. I also would have missed my violin recital, and various events. Even though I was willing to give them up, I'm still grateful I was able to make them.


SO, if you're still reading, props to you. And in case you were wondering, I will be beginning the long trek to beautiful Ukraine, with Jennifer, next Saturday:) I am totally psyched!!! 

21 Days in Ukraine

 Yes, I am finally writing about my trip to UA, almost three years later. It's a long story! But I'm ready to tell it now.


We left for the airport around 7am, on May 27th, 2011. Our aunt Kara came to the house to stay with Jude and Zane for that weekend. We picked up my grandparents on the way, so that they could drive our car back afterward. Plus we could spend some time with them before leaving the country for three weeks. We arrived at Tampa International Airport at 8ish, with plenty of time to spare. So the five of us ate breakfast at Burger King. Eventually, we said our goodbyes and boarded the plane to our first stop, Charolette, North Carolina. It took two hours to get there, and we had another two hour layover in the NC airport. At this point, my ears were all popped from the pressure and I wasn't very happy about it. But I learned to deal with it, because it would stick with me for the next four days. We finally boarded for our nine hour flight to Munich, Germany. Despite the distance, this was actually our favorite flight out of all three. Mainly because there were little TV's on the back of each seat. Once we landed, it was about lunch time there, (Germany is six hours ahead of us) so we ate at the only actual German food place in the airport (the rest of the restaurants were Asian).

I ordered some sort of crepe thing, but didn't finish it. I wasn't crazy about it for some reason.

 My dad was in desperate need of caffeine....

 The tiny coffee cups were quite amusing.

 After our five hour layover in Germany, we were finally on our way to Kiev, Ukraine!

 Thankfully, this was only a two hour flight. I don't remember much at all, I slept the entire time.

 Once we landed, we were greeted by our awesome facilitator, Niko. (the piece of paper in his hand said "House" on it) He drove us to our apartment, then he and my dad went to the market to get a few essentials for the day. (meat, cheese, bread, chips, and water)

 I love, love, loved the view from our apartment! I adored the vintage buildings that covered the city.

 Later that night, we got a special treat of fireworks! There was a Ukrainian holiday that was being celebrated that weekend.

 The next day, we ventured out to go site seeing. We quickly learned, everyone walks, everywhere.

 We went to the mall for dinner, and found McFoxy! No idea. It was sort of like a combination of McDonald's and KFC.

Now this was interesting. We were out in Independence Square, when this random guy walks up to us with two doves. He didn't speak or understand one bit of English. We could not figure out what in the world he was trying to tell us, but we somehow figured out that he wanted my mom to take a picture of me with the doves. He then asked for 50 hyrvnia (which is about four US dollars)....

 We explored the playground near a park in Kiev. 

 This was one of their actual markets . The rest were more like grocery stores.

 On the 30th, we had our DAP appointment, which was called SDA at the time. This was taken before.


The appointment took all of ten minutes, and went great. We had to wait a day for our 'letter of approval' to go get the boys. Once we had it in hand, we celebrated with a late lunch at a pizza place across from the SDA office, before making our way to the train station.

 We waited in this big, beautiful room until our train had arrived.

We finally boarded our 12 hour train ride to Zap. It was much better than expected- we were told there would be no a/c. But there was. The worst part was probably the stops it made every 15 minutes or so. Especially because you couldn't use the bathroom when they weren't moving, sense the so called "toilet" was basically a hole with a small lid to sit on. There was no flushing needed, everything just went straight down the tracks. 

We arrived early the next morning, on the first day of June. A driver picked us up from the train station and drove us to the church we were fortunate enough stay at in Zap. 

We ate breakfast there with the lovely staff, before driving to the orphanage.

 Cake for breakfast man!!!

The day we met Gabe and Levi was unforgettable. How could I? It was the day I first met my baby brothers. A day I'm sure every big sister holds in a high place. 

 The next couple of weeks were pretty terrific. We fell more and more in love with the boys each day, and learned more about their beautiful country through every day of exploration.

 This was our favorite restaurant of all time. Well, definitely mine anyway. It was within walking distance of the church, and they had a menu in English! That's what sold us. The food too, of course. I ordered a calzone every time. There was always a 45 minute wait, but it was well worth it.

  There were several stores right next to our beloved pizza place, including a mall. We went to the market, or grocery store, but I like to call it a market because it sounds cooler. It was quite the sight. Very different from Walmart, that's for sure.

 They had the most interesting potato chip flavors.. (FYI, bacon is the bomb.com!)

 The squid one wasn't too appealing to my taste buds though...

 The church served three meals a day. Most of the time, I just ate bread and butter.

Oh, and they put sour cream on pretty much everything. It's like their ketchup or bbq sauce. Also, dill. That's a big staple for seasoning over there.

This, is a bank. Also a jewelery store. They had legit security guards standing on the inside. Sort of scary..but very elegant!

Court day!

 We had lots of running around to do afterwords. We were to travel to each of the boys' regions they were born in, get birth certificates, visas and best of all, officially ADOPT them!

 All of these pictures shown are of Gabe's region. He was born in more of a "high end" region..especially compared to Levi's. His was in the middle of no where with nothing but trees.

 The next day was gotcha day! We broke the boys out of the orphanage that evening, and went straight to the train station.

 I don't know if it was just me, but this train didn't seem to have air conditioning..



This was our second apartment in Kiev. It was much bigger!

Our room number/address. Which was appropriate considering we were now a family of seven.

We spotted a pizza place (yes, if you couldn't tell, we like pizza...a lot) called Papa John's.

 It was definitely not like our Papa John's. (this was Hawaiian bbq chicken)

 

 McDonald's was a staple for us over the next few days.


We had the privilege of meeting up with some fellow RR adopting families, at T.G.I Friday's.

 (we did not notice the poster photobomb until after the picture was taken...unfortunately.)


Later on that night, we walked to Rachel and Joel Golden's apartment. My mom, Rachel and I became good friends over the few days we spent in Kiev. The four of us (me, Levi, my mom, and Rachel) walked to a nice little cafe near their apartment, while my dad, Gabe, and Joel stayed back at their apartment.

 Rachel took us sight seeing in another area in Kiev, that had several shops. We had to take the subway for the first time. It was very crowded and hot, and smelled terrible, but I'm glad I got to experience it.

 Everyone that travels to UA gets a kick out of the elevators. They're suuuper tiny and make noises as if they could stop at any moment. We took the massive flights of stairs instead.

 The day we went to the embassy, we ran into another RR fam. And got to meet sweet Mia Cox.

 The van was so. hot.

But Levi didn't mind.

 Rachel and Joel had told us about this authentic Ukrainian buffet, and insisted we try it.

 I, being relatively picky, enjoyed most of it. I made an effort to try almost everything. Only a few things were a little too "strange" for me. 

 Our apartment, like I mentioned before, was well..huge. We had two bedrooms, a full bathroom, a living room and kitchen/dining room. The tall ceilings made it feel that much bigger. But most of the apartments there only had one bedroom, so we were grateful to get this one!

 This is a closet. With a ladder. And a balcony. Why don't we have these in the states?!?

 If I can remember correctly, we got up around 4am on June 15th, to make our way to the airport.

 We said our goodbyes and thank yous to Niko..

 Then made our trek HOME!!

The boys both did great the entire trip home. Mostly because we gave them melatonin... a.k.a. lifesaver. 



Aaand the rest was history. It's rather strange, when I was there, all I could focus on was getting home with the boys. But ever since we've been home, I haven't stopped praying for an opportunity to go back. I have longed to visit and hopefully some day, do ministry in that gorgeous country again. I may never understand why I have such a strong desire to do so. Or why I even have a passion for Ukraine. All I know is that it's there for a reason. I pray without seizing for protection and peace to cover every corner of that place, and I trust God will do so in His timing. Sometimes, things must be broken in order to shine.